Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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