Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Quick, to the slutcave!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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