yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
