Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
