Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we're so committed to being not committed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize