I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
