If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
