Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
