I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
