Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
