First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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