I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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