you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
