I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
