Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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