i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
