Sry I called you an 8
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
