I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have aggressive nipples.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize