Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
