I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
