we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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