Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
