i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
