1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
