Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
