Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish i was in the wii world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
