Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
