remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
