Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
