so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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