My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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