she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
