Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize