Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize