I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
