I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize