i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
