We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
