apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
