I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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