The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
