so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
