i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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