I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
