I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We don't watch enough power rangers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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