i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
