this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
