Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
