i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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