Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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