I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its liver damage thursday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
