my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
