Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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