i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
