oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
