i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
