you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
