Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
