I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
PANTIES FOUND
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