omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
