it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
