my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
