About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As shirtless as possible
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
