you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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