She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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