The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
