I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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