Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it because I queefed?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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