watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize