I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
