Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
