Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
