If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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