WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
