The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
