Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
babies were throwing up all over the place
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did you just send me my own nude
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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