I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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