All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
