I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
