Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
