she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
