Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
