Your face is a jimmy john
I think I am morally bankrupt
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
