Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are the jesus of drinking
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
