This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
