all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
