I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Text me some of your sweat
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
