i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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