Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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