$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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