i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's JV to your varsity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
