I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i've created a new STD.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
