Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
