If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
