these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
