So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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