and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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