What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm getting married
To pizza
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
