I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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